i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
