It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
