i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
