This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
