just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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