Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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