Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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