So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
