i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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