then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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