I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just googled if crying burns calories
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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