I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They have beer where we have blood.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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