I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
