Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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