Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
