i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
