We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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