Cold hands, warm shart.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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