i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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