is your mom at the bar?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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