I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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