so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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