I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
