My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize