when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
