My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
