In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
