He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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