she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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