She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
