I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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