Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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