My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My bed smells like the plague
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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