he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
