have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
