This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
