I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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