Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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