The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
