she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Of course I have a pirate flag
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
