went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
