I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize