I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
