He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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