mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
