Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
