theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
