i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
