she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
