eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
