I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
