What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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