I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
