This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
