I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
