I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
