I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
