I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
