Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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