Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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