I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
