Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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