I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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