defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
