apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
