the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
