I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
