we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
