What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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