Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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