I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
