Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
