genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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