I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
