i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
