How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
