Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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