There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
