he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
