She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
