My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
