I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
