my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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