i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
