It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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