There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
