Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize