New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
