her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
