At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
