you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
