im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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