well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You did what with his pubic hair?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
