Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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