are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
