Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
