Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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